Part of my journey has been a journey of healing. I realized that as a result of my life experiences my mindsets needed to be amended. Part of that change required me to understand what things in life comprised me and what things were not me. Sometimes when unhealthy mindsets are learned the line between you and others can become blurred. My lines were definitely blurred. I always felt that I had to always make everyone happy no matter what the cost. I was afraid of people becoming angry and or becoming disappointed in me.

I have now begun to realize that I have a very limited set of responsibilities. I am responsible for all that is me, all that is my soul. I am not responsible for the choices other people make. I am not responsible for the emotions others have or display. I am however responsible for the emotions I have in response to other people’s choices or emotional responses. I have learned to respect the choices of others even if the choices they make don’t measure up to what I feel is right for them. Their choices are also between them and Father. Their choices are not my responsibility. I can certainly pray for others and I can show love to others, but I cannot control or make choices for others.

I really need to focus more on my choices and why I make my choices. I need to focus on my own plank in my own eye and let all other things up to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I need to focus on my growth in the Lord and my forward motion towards healing and development. I also learned that there are two types of burdens, those that are tooo big for one person to handle themselves, and those that are meant for each of us to bear on our own with the help of Father.

Ephesians 4:25-32 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
25 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry, and yetdo not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not give the devil [a]an opportunity. 28 He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with [b]one who has need. 29 Let no [c]unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification [d]according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, [e]by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven [f]you.

I learned that I need to be careful not to bear the everyday normal burdens for other people, which by the way inhibits their growth and healing, and only help with those that are truly burdens that are excessive. I also have learned that I can’t always help people with their burdens. Whether or not it is for me to assist comes from the leading of Father only. No one else on this earth knows me better or knows the circumstances better than my Father, the creator of the universe.

You know that God never forces us and always lets us make our own choices. We need to understand this in order to become like God. We also need to realize that everything God does is by His choice. We need to respect his choices as well. This all is really about relationships. Whether with God, other people as friends or with our marital partner and children.

We are told to walk in love and we are to be actively pursuing God in a loving relationship. This is very important. Learning to know where I end and others begin is key. We are to have a fence like structures in our soul that allows the darkness and pain out of our soul and the light and healthy in to our soul. We must keep danger out and protection in. I am amazed how empowering it is to realize healthy limits and that it is ok to feel and have ideas and to make choices without worrying about the reactions and choices of others.

Walking in love and forgiveness is empowering to our soul. It is also empowering to others. I believe that it is important for us to be clear with others as to what we believe is acceptable and what we believe is not acceptable. When we are clear there are no confusions and we can walk forward in our declared responses if the unacceptable happens. This way there are no surprises and we have been definitive.

Ephesians 5:13-20 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
13 But all things become visible when they are [a]exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. 14 For this reason [b]it says,
“Awake, sleeper,
And arise from the dead,
And Christ will shine on you.”
15 Therefore [c]be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,16 [d]making the most of your time, because the days are evil. 17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, [e]for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to [f]one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; 20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to [g]God, even the Father;

It is God’s plan to realize our separateness, and walk in love, respecting others choices and limits. I am still learning and healing, prolly will take a lifetime to come close to mastery. Ultimately though as long as I am learning and willing to change my mindsets that is enough for me. I simply just need to be led by the Holy Spirit and walk in obedience and I believe everything else will fall into place.

 

©2018 Jennifer Wallace